


fine line || l.s

by larrystyinson



Category: Fine Line - Harry Styles (Album), One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Album: Fine Line (Harry Styles), Bottom Harry, Fluff, M/M, One direction AU, Post-Hiatus, Smut, Soulmates Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Top Louis Tomlinson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29105364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrystyinson/pseuds/larrystyinson
Summary: "I like tipping a hat to the time together. You're celebrating the fact it was powerful and made you feel something, rather than 'this didn't work out, and that's bad.' ... Meeting someone new, sharing those experiences, it's the best sh*t ever. So thank you." - Harry Stylesor when Harry finds himself regaining the crush on his old bandmate Louis Tomlinson. Louis started his solo career soon after the bands glory days, and is about to release an album when him and Harry is going on a holiday away from their hectic lives. The older boy has just went separate ways with his girlfriend and is beginning to realise that he was such a naïve young boy all those years ago.OR the inspiration for Harry's album 'fine line' where every chapter is based upon each song on the album.I just want to clarify that I don't own any of the boy's music and can for that matter not take credit for that. This is an AU and I DO NOT believe that the their music has to specifically be about larry, so please don't come @ me. I do however take credit for the story so if you want to translate it or something, you have to get my approval and give me credit.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 7





	1. golden

_"I know you were way too bright for me"_

There's a lot of thoughts running through my mind. And my body is slowly taking over all of the natural instincts that might occur. Maybe it's the damn giggle and the smile that looks so good on the boy in front of me, or it's the deep blue eyes, lightning up my mood every time I meet them. 

"What are you thinking about?" Louis states as his hand leaves the starring wheel and ends up on my thigh. Somehow, all of this is natural in our friendship, has always been, but the butterflies are different than the usual. I decide not to answer his question, knowing I can't do other than being fully honest with the boy next to me. 

"Here, take my phone and put some music on" He ends up saying, hand leaving my thigh to reach his phone in his front pocket. I gladly take his phone and put on my favourite playlist on Spotify, including all the songs that give the butterflies in my tummy something to relate to. 

Just to hear the angelic voice next to me softly singing along to the lyrics makes my heart swell with joy and I look out the window to see the great blue ocean that reminds me of the orbs I face every day. 

This day could be wonderful, at least I feel all those magic feelings that never seem to occur for me. But unfortunately, Louis isn't feeling his best. We decided to leave our old lives just for a bit, with all the hectic work and never-ending stress, the best way to take time out is to just go back to how it used to be. My family owns a tiny little summer house in a picturesque village called Castle Combe. Although there's more than just the "getaway" part of why we decided to leave. Louis is heartbroken. 

His old girlfriend and he grew apart, and neither of them noticed how the only reason they lived together was that neither of them had the courage to step up and tell the other how they felt. Going from relationship to relationship, Louis was terrified of being alone. He's gone through hell more times than anyone should've and I just want to make him happy. And whatever happens, I promised a lot of times that I'm going to be there for him. 

Little did Harry know that the boy next to him wanted nothing more than to be close to him. You see, Louis didn't just fall out of love with his ex-girlfriend, but at the same time, he felt something peculiar about the younger boy in the passenger seat of the worn-down car. Although these emotions were truly terrifying and he felt so bad for his ex, that he had fallen for someone new. Despite the fact that this liking had been going on for nearly a decade. 

"Do you remember that this was one the first song we really sang together?" I state as the song Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls starts playing, and Louis smiles knowing that they'd sing together. In a time where everything seemed so much easier, when love wasn't complicated, just beautiful. 

"I do remember singing this with you, you're voice was still so young that you cracked once in a while," the older boy said giggling, all those memories flooding back of the boys singing together, bonding and preparing for the biggest change they'd ever gone through. 

"Don't you think that you were such a good singer that your voice never cracked" I tease back at him, lightly poking the arm, that still wasn't filled with tattoos. Butterflies fluttering again and he can't help but smile as the older boy tries to poke him again, failing miserably and I catch his finger in my hand and deciding on not letting go. 

"I just want you to know who I am" Louis sings along as the music is slowly fading out and the tension in the car is thick, suddenly leaving both of the boys speechless. If they only dared to confess feelings they've might make this moment lively and not letting the moment run out in the sand.

Later that night they're both settling in quite well, sharing a blanket, sipping tea from their cups, and cuddling closely. Louis' resting his back on Harry's chest, feeling the heartbeat thumping just for him. 

"Was it hard to come out?" Louis ask me as I hug his body, searching for comfort. "I don't think so, I was just so tired of not being able to be myself, you know?" The boy over me hums in response. "although I've come to this part of my life where I just want to be loved, it might sound greedy but I want someone to love me" 

"Aren't you scared of getting your heart broken?" Another question, though this one leaves me speechless for a while. 

"I just don't want to be alone" I finally answer, meeting my favourite pair of eyes. The sunset shines beautifully on his skin. _God, he's so golden, and I just wish he could finally be open._


	2. watermelon sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So things might be going well between them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mature content, if you don't feel comfortable reading it, then please don't.

_"I don't know if I could ever go without"_

The first night was easy, so was the second and the third, but I'm usually not a person who experienced a lot of luck in my life. Louis and I shared a bed and it was actually really comfortable. All of these old memories from when we were young and just moved away from home, to each other's embrace, came flooding back. And I think it made both of us really happy.

Louis did something to me, and he made me like myself. The way we could have does moments that didn't seem important to anyone but meant so much to us. I was a mess of admiring thoughts about my best friend, and I couldn't complain. He made me so happy. I was so fed up with my feelings that I barely noticed the more hesitant touches given to me, the way his voice would break full of nerves. And the reason for me being oblivious was that only his presence gave me a high.

A hand on my lower back brought me back to reality with a smile. God, I could get used to these small touches. He gently moved me from my place to grab a knife, starting to cut up the watermelon on the other side of the tiny kitchen. In the meantime, I jumped up on the counter and admiring the way his otherwise shaky hand was so steady, knowing exactly how to handle the fruit in front of him.

"Is it wrong not to miss someone you should've loved?" the older boy questions. "What do you mean?" I simply respond, asking him a question I didn't know would change everything between us.

"She didn't give me all of those butterflies, she didn't make a foreign place feel like home. Her smile never sent chills down my spine. And she couldn't make me long for the small touches and subtle affectionate actions that make your heart flutter." He stopped for a second, realising that his mouth was probably speaking faster than his mind should've allowed. But he smiled, placing his growing hair behind his ear, looking like an adorable schoolgirl with a crush on the popular senior, finally getting his attention.

"Something about these feelings making me miss it as soon as it's not there, and I need it so bad Harry. I'm desperate for something I don't even know what it is" He now hid his beautiful features in his hands like he wanted to hide away from the world he loved so much.

I walk towards the smaller boy, grabbing his wrists and pulling his hands down to reveal his face. The beautiful ocean eyes were glossy and made the sea overflow. "I'm scared" he whispered for only me to hear, even though there wasn't anyone else in the cottage to listen to the still young boys' intimate conversation.

I embraced the vulnerable boy, letting his tears stain my worn-out tee-shirt. "shh, everything's gonna be alright, okay. you are so strong, I love you so so much okay. It's going to be okay" I whispered closely into his ear. If only he knew that I truly meant the three words that are said too much, they're not enough.

After a while, Louis seemed to have calmed himself, but I still had a close hold of him. I didn't care about his sticky hands making a mess on my shirt as they were searching for something steady to hold on to.

Louis, on the other hand, was embarrassed about the incident. He wanted to be strong for once and not fall like a sobbing mess onto the boy who resembled security he hardly felt before. He was now scared to let go of the younger male because he didn't know when he was going to be this close to him again.

"Can we eat now?" Louis stated as his stomach growled for the third time and I released my hold on him. His legs were shaky from all the crying and I gently took the plate with the cut-out watermelon from his hands in one hand and the other one was placed around his waist, pulling him close to me. We sat down outside on the large couch. The birds sang happily as if no one had cried in for ages and there was finally word peace.

"This place is thoroughly beautiful, I wish we could stay forever" The older lad stated as the only sound consuming us was the waves and birds chattering. I really wanted to kiss him, this boy had just enough flaws to be completely flawless. I gently place my head on the shorter boy next to me's shoulder and smile. He then hands me one of the watermelon pieces and I start to eat. Little did I know that the person I admire the most was following my action with awe. The really ripe watermelon was really watery so to not get my hands dirty, I gently sucked up the liquid, making an awful sound. This made the boy next to me speechless. To tease him a bit more, I continued this action, feeling his body shift.

"Are you seriously giving this poor watermelon piece a blowjob?" Louis questioned as I started to overdo it. "Only if it makes you horny" I chuckled, doing it one last time before sitting straight up locking eyes with him. He just laughed and did the same thing to his next piece.

Dinner came around and we were once again in the kitchen. Louis sitting on the counter, and me cooking some random pasta dish I found online. I constantly went back and forth to Louis and the pot, asking him to taste it and telling me what to do better. After giving the tomato sauce an extra round of salt, I made my way over to feed him another spoonful. I forgot how hot it was and this made him burn his mouth. In a haste, I quickly pulled away and managed to stain his light-coloured t-shirt.

"I'm so sorry Louis. Here let me take that and put it under the cold water, seeing if I can get the stain of it." I say as he pulls the shirt over his head. The action exposing his beautiful torso and chest covered with tattoos. "Thank you, but it's not necessary," He says, tossing the shirt onto the floor. I position myself in between his legs and wiping away the sauce on his lips.

"I miss living together with you," I say playing with his bottom lip while my other hand is resting on his thigh. "So do I, trust me" He answers and I gently peck his cheek. The first time I did it, it was really smooth, but as time flies, it's now covered with light stubble. If only we made it a habit to kiss each other on the lips, I wouldn't complain.

"Let's see if I can finish making dinner for us, huh?" I say as I make my way over to the stove once again. Trying to hide that blush on my face, appearing after the thoughts you shouldn't have about your friends.

"Are you blushing, Styles?" Louis asks, making my face heat up more than it should. "Yeah," I simply answer hearing him jumping off the counter. "How come?" He says as he kisses my cheek and wrapping his arms around me, making me feel extremely safe.

"I was just thinking of the good ole' days" Which was somewhat true. Louis doesn't answer and just simply rests his chin on top of my shoulder.

After dinner, we decide to call it a night, but about two hours later we are still positioned on the couch we spent having an afternoon snack. Louis seeming to not being comfortable, I decide to cuddle him. Something that always seemed to calm him before, although he can't stop squirming around in my embrace.

"What's wrong?" I ask as he suddenly sits up, parting from me. "I'm sorry I this is all wrong," he says with his head down. "I promise you, you can tell me anything. I never judge you" he nods silently.

"You know how I said about feeling before," I hum in response, letting him continue. "it seems like all of a sudden I can relate to them, but it feels so right and I'm scared of what to do with them"

"Are you scared of something?" I interrupt.

"Not scared, just confused. It's all these butterflies" I gasp as I think I know where he's going with this. Realising I've been in his position so many times before, never admitting to having those types of feelings occur in the worst time possible.

"Do you want me to touch you?" I simply ask, seeing how he tries to hide the bulge in his jeans. I make my way closer to him and when I gently stroke his cheek, he leans into the touch and closes his eyes. God, this man is going to be the death of me. When he finally opens his eyes he closes the small gap between our mouths and I can feel his eyelashes flutter on my cheek.

Our lips move in sync and I want this to last forever. How come we never have done this before. The kiss is slow and filled with admiration for the other person to take in. This isn't the kiss that the whole world should see and admire, this kiss is only for us to share and experience. I can almost feel the butterflies raising in his tummy as my hand makes its way to his hair. How could I've ever gone without it?

I straddle the smaller boy and I can feel his erection pressing upon my thigh, making me moan into the kiss, something that makes him even harder. "Please, I need something" Louis whines, questioning for the same something that he referred to earlier today. All I want is to obey and I slide my hand down his torso, finally letting it rest on the growing erection. I want him so much and I want him to feel so good.

As the sun sets I gently pull his pants down with his consent and all I can do is admire the view in front of me. "C-can I taste you? Please I just want to taste you" I beg as I drop to my knees. "Please do, please be a good boy for me" Louis moans as I take his shaft in my hand. This makes him twitch under my touch. Wonder how he would feel inside my mouth.

My own dick is rock hard in my pants and to not reveal the pressure truly hurt. The last time I was this horny, I was only a teen. I finally place my tongue on his tip, tasting the salty pre-come, making me moan on him. This was something that made me earn a deep moan in return. Sure the man sang like an angel, but these sounds he made just for me were the prettiest notes I've heard. I continue my actions and showering his dick in feather-light kisses before licking a wet stripe along the other side of him, earning a high pitch noise from the beautiful man in front of me.

Louis must've decided that it was enough teasing and placed his hands in my hair, pulling my lips to the tip and I was quick to swallow. The wonderful feeling of having my mouth filled with the most wonderful cock I've seen did unholy stuff to me and I was a moaning mess. Every movement I've made, made me earn another noise from him and I was loving every second of it. Having my mouth filled with his beautiful cock was all I could ask for. Soon enough his hips were meeting my bobbing motion and I was long gone. "You're such a good boy Harry, so good for me," Louis managed to get out between deep moans.

After deep throating him, making me gag and tears left my eyes. I felt my orgasm creeping up, and there was nothing I could do to stop it as I felt Louis come down my throat, releasing high pitch pornographic moans. Tasting the salty come in my mouth made my dick twitch and I slightly grind into his leg and made a huge mess in my pants.

As I pulled away I realised that I just gave the most powerful blowjob to my best friend, and I just wanted to do it again and again. _I just wanna taste it._

Louis looked wrecked, but the last energy he had left in his body was used to place his hand on my crotch, only to be met with a slightly damp feeling. "Baby, did you come already?" He question and I nuzzled my head into his neck to answer him.

"That is so hot Harry, God you're making me hard again" He mumbled and I chuckled a reply agreeing on round two when both of us were ready for it.


	3. adore you

_"I get so lost inside your eyes, could you believe it?"_

The morning after felt amazing. I woke up with Louis in my arms and I couldn't help but coo. He was holding onto me tightly and I gently kissed his head. If love was only like this. 

We stayed in bed for quite a long time even after he'd woke up. "Is this what love is supposed to be? If it is, I've must've been living my whole life a lie" I chuckled and smiled at the boy lying on my bare chest tracing the tattoos. "Yes, I think it is," I said stocking his soft hair and he cuddled closer to me. "Then I want to get lost in this feeling and live in your embrace forever," He says and I suddenly frown. "Why didn't we do anything like this earlier, I mean don't get me wrong, but I've always loved your touches, and just knowing that you're close making my heart flutter. I state honestly.

"I think we were too young to know we had everything, and people were always on our arses about being close so I think we just made distance" he mumbles burying his head even closer to my chest. 

This boy doesn't even need to confess his love to me, he doesn't have to do anything, and all I want is to show him love and affection. And that is how the next week was spent, sharing kisses instead of quick glances and just enjoying not having to worry about what everyone else thought about us. 

Louis was in my lap, fidgeting around and pressing his arse on my now slightly growing crotch. He'd always had this affection on me, but I wasn't this used to have his body this close to mine and I felt like I was sixteen all over again, getting hard by the slightest friction. I placed my hands on his waist and he instantly settled down, at least for the moment. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by me getting horny on him, even though he didn't complain about having his dick in my mouth. 

He moved again when I least expected it and the friction made us both moan quietly and I just knew I wanted to taste the beautiful sound. My mouth made it's way over to his neck and I placed feather-like kisses all over, almost frightened that my touch would harm him. Suddenly he made a similar noise to the one he made before and I could sense his cheeks blushing. We had all the time in the world, so who was I to stress my motions?

Since my hands were still on his waist, he placed his smaller hands on top of mine, gently moving them further down, searching for more friction. None of us was inexperienced with the concept of sex, but we still needed time to just explore each other's bodies. Once my hands were touching his bulge, he was quick to straddle my lap, now placing kisses on my neck. Oh, how the butterflies in my stomach flutter at the warm sensation his mouth were giving me. Letting out a high pitch moan, made the boy over me smirk. And he was now barley grinding down on me and we both leaned into the epic feeling of being so close to one another. Louis lifted his head from the crook of my neck and leaned his forehead against mine. His pupils were dilated, but I could still see the deep blue halo around the endless dark sky that I so easily drowned in. 

He slowly lowered his gaze to my lips and when we made eye contact again, I gently brushed my lips against his. The feeling was so warm and I wanted more. His tongue brushed against my lower lip and it made me moan. He gently took the opportunity to explore my mouth and my tongue was now massaging his. Louis inched even closer to me and we were chest to chest. I lowered my hand from his cheek to his arse and gripped lightly, earning a moan. 

I felt hands trembling to unbutton my trousers and I was fast to return the action. I was so hard and it felt like I was about to burst. When both of our trousers were off, we decided to move things to the bed, needing space around us to be as close as possible. I carried the older boy and he made sure to suck in a few bruises on my neck in the process, making me a moaning mess. I tried to turn the situation around by laying him in bed so that he was now under me, but he flipped us over once again and started to palm me through my pants. I manage to see a wet patch forming on the front of his pants as my dick twitched at his action. The warm heat in my stomach was forming fast and I was quick to remove his hand, not wanting to spoil another pair of pants. 

He was utterly confused at my movement, but I gently turned him around and started to lick his nipples. He got it as his cue to just enjoy, even though he was stubborn enough reaching for my cock trying to please me at the same time. But as I made my way down to his center, he released his hands from my body and tied them in my hair. 

I freed his leaking cock and kitten licked the pre-come pouring out of him. If I could only eat one more thing in life, this would be my "go-to" meal. Him, being so worked up from all the teasing, made his legs shake gently and his thighs flexed as I swallowed him. Just as I thought I might taste his release, he pulled my head off of me and requested me to lay down. 

He pulled my pants down and I kicked them off when they were at my ankles. He put both of my legs on his shoulder and looked at me for permission to eat me out, and I eagerly nodded. The sensation was almost too much as his warm tongue pressed at my rim and after licking around my entrance, he placed kisses from my hole to right below my balls and then back again. All I could do was releasing high pitch moans and he soon started fucking me with his tongue. "Louuuu, I don't want to come ye-et" I whined, but he continued and wrapped a hand around my cock, starting to jacking me off. "Please, come for me. This won't be the last time if you allow me to do what I want to, okay?" He asked me.

"Please come for me, you've been so good baby, did so good for me," all his praises made me release my fluids in short spurts all over my tummy. As I came down from my high, Louis held me in his arm, continuing to whisper praises in my ears and I hugged him tightly, making a mess on both of our stomachs. 

Soon enough, Louis was whining, needing friction on his painfully hard dick. Letting him grind down on me, made me almost fully hard really quick and he gently put his tip at my entrance. "Lou, I need prepping" I got out before he put three of his fingers to my mouth, making me suck on them, using saliva as lube. I was getting lost at the feeling of having my mouth full and pouted when he pulled aways. But my pout was soon replaced with a smile as I felt one of his fingers tracing my rim and gently pushed into me. It was a burning sensation at first, not having sex for a while does that to you, but soon enough pleasure started to creep up and I started to move. This motion signalised Louis to penetrate me, crooking his finger once in a while to find my prostate. Not long after the first finger was in, the two others joined it inside of me.

Suddenly Louis' fingers brushed over the most sensitive spot inside of me, a spot, not even I could find, and I let out a high pitch moan and the most pleasant sensation is running through my body. The boy over me smiles at his accomplishment and gently pulls out from me, positioning his what seems to be a painfully hard dick on my entering. "Is this okay with you, please tell me if I'm doing anything wrong or if you're uncomfortable" He asks and I can't do other than to nod my head. "I need words, love" and with that statement, I manage to squeeze out a breathy 'yeah'. 

His beautiful cock finds slides into me with ease, but it takes a while for me to get used to the stretch. To make the process easier, Louis pumps my dick and I soon signalise for him to start moving, getting frustrated with no action. The first movement is light and we both moan. "Kiss me, please," I ask and he leans down and the feeling of his mouth against mine and his chock in my arse is everything I've ever wanted. He trusts in a few more times, bending in an angle that puts my prostate on full display, and he doesn't hesitate to slam into it with each thrust. 

The pit in my stomach is starting to form again and Louis surely notices as my legs start to tremble. "You are so beautiful Harry, I love you baby" My hands move their way to his arse and as I squeeze, his body starts to tremble and with one last trust we both come and collapse into each other embrace. Our breathing is quick and I try to calm us both by caressing his hair. This motion makes him snuggle into my body. We ignore the fact that we're both a sticky mess, especially me, having come on my torso as well as the come dripping out of me. 

"Maybe we should clean up" Louis mentions and I just hold him tighter. 

_"I'd walk through fire for you, just let me adore you"_ I whisper in his ears and sleep take over our minds soon enough, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

i hope this wasn't too much


	4. lights up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exposed

_"Do you know who you are?"_

People always seemed to ruin the fun. Management called Louis and he hasn't been his old self since. I tried to talk to him, but he won't respond. It felt like I've lost him. Even though it was no one to see us, Louis always seemed to look over his shoulder when I showed him affection, like he was afraid of the otherwise constant flashing cameras. The cameras which catch the moments they don't own. 

"Please Louis, talk to me, I want to help you," I say as he positioned himself on the grass next to me. He sighed and reached for my hand and I gently consumed his tiny hand in my larger hand, rubbing the back of his hand, trying to give him the maximum of comfort. 

"I want to be brave, but that's something I always seem to fail on," He says and it breaks my heart. "You are one of the bravest people I know, you been through so many battles in the past and if you just tell me what you're going through I think I can help you," I state and he scoots closer to me. We both lie with our backs pressed down in the dry green sea and our eyes are looking upon the endless blue sky. Our hands are holding us together from floating away to another world. 

"I never seem to know who I am. And I wish I did. The only time I really like myself is when I'm with you, and I'm scared leaving this place will tear us apart from each other the way the media always used to do" He squeezes my hand as his voice starts to shake as he finishes his words. "All those years ago, I thought going separate ways from the band would make us freer in a way where we didn't have to care about the others. And it truly broke my heart when we started to drift, the way we promised not to." I say turning my head to look at the boy next to me. His eyes holds all the answers which his mouth cannot say and it's causing the grass bellow him to damp with the gentle stream of tears he can't keep at bay.

"I thought you didn't want to be with me, everyone seemed so focused on getting a career for themselves and I didn't want to be left behind. I wanted to be closer, but contracts got stricter, and then all those things happened, and I thought I was happy with her. Everyone told me to be happy with her so I just went with it. But, I missed you. I really missed you" tears keep coming as he speaks and I want to take his pain away, but how do you make a person who feels so miserable about something they can't even control, feel happy? He interrupts my thoughts and starts speaking again, it's like he's in a trance and just saying whatever comes to his mind. 

"I don't know if this is a one-time thing, I always liked you, but I thought it was feelings everyone has about their best friends, but then there was all this pressure about defining. I didn't want the hate and to distance myself, was actually a horrible decision. I'm such a fool for the feelings you give me and they make me want to scream at the top of my lungs about how much I enjoy it." I try to interrupt him when he pauses to take a breath but he turns his head so we're face to face. "I'm a fool for you and I want to show it" 

The only thing I can do is kiss his lips slowly. Cupping his cheek in my hand and bringing him on top of me. The emotion was similar to the first kiss, but he answered with a desperation I've hadn't felt anyone kiss with, lips moving in sync with mine and a hunger for more than I think I'm going to be able to give, how hard I tried to. 

"Let's go home together, okay?" I ask and he kisses me again and I can still feel the tears on his face as they now wet my cheeks. But this time I could taste that wonderful smile of his. 

After a long night of driving away from our paradise, we have finally come to our destination; my flat near the well-known music studio. The streetlights lead the way and we stepped onto the pavement, stretching our soar muscles. In the back of my head, I heard a familiar sound and Louis appeared to have heard it as well. He hid behind my back and held my hand tightly. 

The sound was there once again. It was a faint clicking noise and my brain started to process. Fuck, we were not in the cottage, people now surrounded us, and we were trapped. The luggage could wait and we tried to make our way into the warm flat when the flashlight blinded us. I could feel the smaller body trying to hide in mine. But it was already too late. 

When the door finally opened we stepped inside, both of us breaking down on the floor, not knowing what to do next. I wanted to comfort him and tears were not going to do the job. This is the moment I wished we were living in some kind of alternative universe, hoping that we would've been brought together even if we never auditioned for the x-factor. The only reason why the boy in front of me was breaking apart was that I was the "wrong" gender for him to end up with, people don't want to see different. 

After just sitting in silence for what seemed to be forever, trying to process everything, Louis got up and I think that he was on his way to leave me, I choked on my tears and started crying loudly. But what surprised me was the feeling of arms wrapped around me and a weak voice gently telling me that everything is going to work out. Our tear-stained cheeks rubbed together and I pulled him closer to me, still letting out shaky sobs mixed with shallow breaths. But he was still with me. And that was all I needed at this very moment. 

The night was long and the next day even longer. Of course, the media picked up on our story and both our families and friends have tried to contact us. Being locked inside my flat didn't provide much food since we never got a chance to do any grocery shopping before the chaos. Not that food felt any more comforting. Louis was so much in his own head and he'd been clinging on me, while his mind is distant. 

Management called for the 8th time today and the sound of the phone ringing made Louis flinch and he almost positioned himself in my lap. "Let's just come out, yeah" He stated with his face pressed against my chest and I swear he could feel my heart skip a beat. "I would love to, I love you" 

We spent the next half hour looking into our camera roll trying to find a good picture to share, but everything felt so personal, and posting them gave me a feeling of letting memories fade away and not be our own anymore. "Maybe we can just tweet something, pictures can come later," He said, obviously thinking about the same things as I was. "That's a great idea" 

**@Louis_Tomlinson :** _Always in my heart @ Harry_Styles. Yours sincerely, Louis._

**@Harry_Styles:** _My love for all of you has no end. Thank you for tonight. H_

I am most certainly never going back to the time when I couldn't hold my precious boy in my arms. This feels amazing. 

_Lights up and they finally know who you are._


	5. cherry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> relationship takes a turn

_" I confess I can tell that you are at your best"_

Things weren't going great between us. Media got in between and making us cover up for the way we came out with our relationship. Life goes on and I tried to just live in the moment. Ever since the hiatus all of us tried to succeed as solo-artists and Louis' debut album is about to drop in a few days. I can't help but be a slight bit jealous of him. All he did was perfect, he didn't have any flaws and tried so hard but my songwriting was never as good as his.

He hasn't spoken to me in a few weeks and maybe I was just his "summer love", his one way to relax the most. Twitter is unfortunately a dangerous thing when you're sad. The one social media which made me laugh at my worst made me now pity myself. 

Paps had been spotting Louis with another boy, holding hands and smiling. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but the text I later received that day made me think differently.

**From: Liam Payne**

_Do you know about Jake?_

Fuck, there's no turning back now. He was with someone else, who is able to give him everything I can't. He was walking around holding his hand, while I could only do that behind closed doors. I'm a joke in this world. I decided to investigate more into this 'ship' and people were enjoying it. I found more pictures of them and Louis was smiling wide. Why wouldn't he? As long as he doesn't give the other boy the pet names he said only belonged to me. 

I wrapped myself up in one of my hoodies that Louis used to sleep in. Saying it was the most comforting thing he ever wore. Now it was smelling just like him. Call me crazy, but I can't even sleep on the part of my bed he always slept on. He was still such a big part of my life, while I only seemed to fade away. 

Couldn't he just make a phone call, explaining his new romance to me? Yes, I'm too stubborn to call him myself, but this 'comfortable silence' is so overrated and I miss him like crazy. Not only the feeling of his hands on my body, which I tried to copy by touching myself, but nothing compares to his touch. But I also miss his joyful personality. The way he can talk forever about something normal people would find as just rambling. But every word he spoke was important to me. He is still important to me.

I tried to tell myself that him being happy would make him happy. But I'm too selfish and want to be happy with me instead of this other dude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making this short, but I know this song includes really personal events for Harry and it was hard to portray in any other way than this short thing. I have full respect for Harry and this is the least larry song out there so please don't come at me. This chapter also has a few connections with 'From the dining table' which actually is one of my absolute favourite songs.


	6. falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW! Mentions of mental health issues, usage of alcohol, self-harm, and suicide. Read at your own risk and if you feel like you need to talk to someone, I promise to be there for you. I love you and stay strong. You are beautiful and deserve love! <3

_"And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again"_

I was not doing great. Loneliness is a disease creeping up on you slowly, making it hard to realise that you in fact are infected until you lay there, emotionless and all empty inside. Still loving a person who left you makes you doubt yourself even more. 

I started drinking and I don't know half of what I'm thinking anymore. Before this so-called 'breakup' I was against using any form of the drug to cure feelings. But the temptation of the burning liquid in my throat was addicting and being affected made me feel the feelings sober me blocked away. 

Mitch called the other day and I actually answered this time. He said he missed me, and I wish I could be there in the moment and not think about myself. God, I'm such a hard person to be around these days. 

I woke up alone as always, I was hungover from all the drinking and crying yesterday. Even though my state of mind, I decided to try today. I'm not sure what trying means, but I will try to do something like that. To start off well, I didn't mix any form of alcohol in my coffee. And I had a proper sandwich to go with it. Little did I know that I wouldn't keep the food in my system for so long and I spent the rest of the morning in the bathroom. 

But I was still trying. In the afternoon I even called Mitch again and we had a good conversation. Talking about everything and I couldn't lie to him. He even asked me to stay with him and Sarah for a while. And that question warmed my heart and I started crying on the spot. He realised right away and to prevent me from doing anything I might regret, he stayed with me on the phone as he took his time to come to me.

When he knocked on the door to my flat, I was soon enough found in his embrace, crying my sober heart out. And it was rather comforting. "Shh, it's going to be alright," he soothed, and all of a sudden we were sitting on my couch. Even though I was 26, I still felt like a child, longing for caring arms to caress all the pain away. And Mitch was rather good at doing that. And he managed to do it without embarrassing me for it. 

"How long has it been?" He asked after a while when my tears were at bay. "Almost two months and we haven't talked since he told me he landed in L.A," I said softly, playing with my hands and avoiding eye contact. He stroke my back and I rested my hand on his shoulder. 

"I love you, and I care for you. I just wanted you to know that," he stated and I whispered those three words back to him and we just sat there. Me, enjoying the warm feeling of love. I was a disgusting mess and I don't know how he allowed me to get so close to him. He never flinched touching my vulnerable self. 

"Maybe we should get you cleaned up?" He stated and lead me to my bathroom. He helped me remove my clothes and filled the tub for me. He must've remembered that I gave him similar support when he and Sarah were going into a rough patch and this type of intimacy only made our relationship grow. The warm water surrounded my body and it was rather pleasing. Usually, I was the type of person to only take showers, but I really liked this.

He helped me wet my greasy hair and made sure that it was truly soaked before he grabbed my bottle of shampoo and started massaging my scalp as I was getting cleaner every second. There wasn't much of a conversation made between us that night, he just made sure to keep me close to him and the liqueur as far away from me as possible. 

When the time came, he tucked me into bed and I embarrassingly asked if he by any chance could stay the night with me. And he did, not seeming bothered by it and I felt for once better than I thought I would. Never underestimate the power of friendship. 

I woke up earlier than Mitch and decided to surprise him with breakfast as a 'thank you' for everything he did to me yesterday. I happened to pass a mirror on my way and I still looked terrible. No wonder why nobody wanted me. I see why Louis moved on so fast. My body was on autopilot as I made scrambled eggs and toast for us, but there was a reason why my mind couldn't focus on my actions. My anxiety started to creep its way upon me and all of these 'what if' questions ran through my head, faster than I could process them coming. 

Was I still falling for the boy with the pretty blue eyes or was I now just falling into the dark void of my own miserable mind?

Mitch stepped into the kitchen and was fast to action. Quickly pulling the pan off the stove, trying to save the eggs as I backed away, disappointed that I couldn't even keep my self together longer than 30 minutes. My cheeks got wet once again and soon the older man was holding me in his arms again. 

-

I rested my head against the window of Mitch's car. It was a beautiful day outside and I missed seeing nature. After my breakdown, we packed my stuff, Mitch being too scared to leave me alone in my state of mind welcomed me into his home with open arms. 

Sarah was fast on her feet to embrace me once I got inside and hugged her tightly. She didn't say much about the situation and just showed me to their guest room. The rest of the day was spent in front of the telly, us having a 'friends' marathon to ease my mind. If only life was that easy. 

That day I had my first home-cooked meal in what seems like ages. I mostly sat in silence, listening to the couple's conversation about everything. And I would lie if I didn't admit that it reminded me of how Louis and I used to be.

When the night came around, Mitch gladly filled up a tub of water for me, letting me once again enjoy the warm sensation surrounding my body before a long night of sleep. I slipped into the tub and my mind started to wander. I'm just a burden for everyone around me, why am I still here at this point? Louis doesn't seem to mind living without me and I most certainly doesn't want to be there when he actually might state those words. In my thought process, I didn't even realize that my whole face was now under the surface, and I don't mind staying here a little longer, pushing the feeling of needing to breathe. But I give in to my needs and lift my head, just to fill my lungs with air, and then go back to being totally consumed by the water. This process is repeated, even though it's tiring. Suddenly my body seems pleased by being under the surface and I just don't get up this time. My eyelids are so heavy and I feel like I'm being put to sleep.

The door wasn't locked and I can hear in the distance someone knocking gently, but all I want to do is sleep and I feel heavier than ever. Mitch suddenly screams, probably 'cause he found my lifeless body, but I don't give any signs of life. All of a sudden I'm being pulled up and I gasp for air. I'm a mess and my asthma doesn't help with making this 'coming back to life' session easier. Sarah rushes over to us and both of them have tears streaming down their faces. 

When my breath is more even, I get pulled into their embraces, still sitting in the now cold water. No one is saying anything and I'm so thankful that I still have these beautiful people surrounding me, instead of leaving me to die. 

I'm so tired, but none of us are planning on getting any sleep that night. We are cuddled up on their couch and I decided to open up about what was happening. How it went from being a comfortable escape for my thoughts to not having the willpower to reach for air. They're both really understanding and I'm grateful that none of them are blaming me for it. 

A lot of tears later, my eyelids are starting to droop and I fell asleep surrounded by my closest friends. Maybe my life was worth living, and I decided that I would stay strong, because one day, I might find the person who could return my love the way Mitch and Sarah shared their love between them. 


	7. to be so lonely

_"I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch, who can't admit when he's sorry"_

Mitch and Sarah had taken good care of me these couple of days and I've started to write again. This was a technique that really helped me understand my emotions and I felt calmer with not knowing how things were going to end up. I even started to write songs again. Soon enough I've might've written my first single to publish as a solo artist. 

Yes, I was probably the young and naïve one when it came to relationships, but I constantly had so much love to give. The few times in my life where I've been in love, it's always the same thing. I fall hard and fast and there's no turning back. 

My mum actually called me and she's always been really supportive and it's nice to have someone who's never going to leave your side, no matter what happens. The conversation had been going on for hours and she reassured me that the whole situation might be both an overreaction from the both of us, which probably originated from a misunderstanding. If it is as she says, how comes he never tries to take the first step? 

Somehow my phone ended up in my hand and in a matter of a few seconds, I've dialed the number that I hold so close to my heart. Louis. After a few signals, I got cold feet and decided to hang up. If he made up his mind to talk to me, I would at least be higher in his caller history. 

A few hours passed and I was feeling anxious. All I wanted was for him to call me and tell me that everything was gonna be okay and that he stilled loved me as much as does night in the small cottage. Who am I kidding, he's probably happy with his new life and the new boyfriend. 

Suddenly my phone vibrated on the table and I was quick to but the object to my ear. 

_"Hi, It's Harry,"_ I said with a shaky voice. Although I couldn't be more revealed when I heard the most beautiful voice.

 _"Hi H, It's Louis. I've missed you,_ " He stated through the phone, and I felt so happy.

 _"I missed you as well, I listened to your album and I just wanted to say that it's perfect. You are so talented. I don't know why the world hasn't picked up on that yet._ " I said and it was true. I've been listening to it over and over again. My mum was even the one who made connections between his songs and our history together. I felt so oblivious to that information. Why would someone write such lovely songs about someone like me? 

_"Thank you Hazza, it means a lot to me that you like it. Seriously."_ Iliked the way he was saying my name. Even though some part of me wanted him to go back to those pet names, but I would never admit that. 

"I wish I was able to do what you are able to do. I miss the time we were working together" It was true. Writing with him was the best way to write stuff. But that wasn't the only thing I missed about him. _"Yeah, it was really fun,"_ Louis commented, and I smiled. 

_"Have you been writing anything recently? You know I always love your songs"_ That statement made me smile like the crazy boy with a crush.

"Yeah I have, but I feel so unsure of myself and I just want to be able to open up. I don't know, at the same time as I want to really work through what I want to release, I also want to just put something out there like you and the other lads have" I don't know where all this honesty came for, but the feeling of Louis' voice in my ear made me feel safe. God, I just want to hug him and stay in his arms for some time. 

_"Maybe you could take a drink? It usually helps with my creativity and makes it easier to start the process and feel more confident. Just make sure you don't drink too much, then there are no benefits"_ Even though I promised myself not to drink, this might be just what I need to get out of this minor slump. And some confidence would really do me good for the moment. 

Louis and I talked for another 10 minutes and then we both had to return to the usual chores of being alive. He never mentioned Jake for the entire conversation and it felt like he was hiding that part of his life, which made me slightly disappointed since it felt like we were making progress. 

-

It was now a late night a few days apart from the phone call. I'd decided to try the creative drinking and sat in my home studio with a guitar and a bottle of wine. I easily shugged half the bottle and the alcohol sure had an effect on me. I continued to write on the song that I had had in my head for the last couple of days. The soon to be "Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart". With the alcohol in my system, all of my hidden emotions once retook form, and I wrote like a maniac. 

Soon I was drinking from the second bottle and I was happy with the lyrics I've come up with. Although I found myself not quite satisfied with what I've done. I just needed some kind of reassurance. 

My hands were trembling and I dialed the most recent number in my search history, Louis'.

"Louuuuuuuu" I answered as soon as he picked up, oblivious to the thought that he could sense me being drunk. _"How're things going baby, are you safe?"_ He questioned and slurred something about me being in my house all alone.

"I love you louuuuuuu, see it rhymes" I managed to giggle not even remembering that I was talking to the man in particular. _"I love you too baby,_ " little did Harry know that this was actually the truth. 

"Nah-uh, you have another baby. You shouldn't be calling me babyyy, 'm all 'lone and u love others." For it is late at night, Louis didn't really connect the dots. _"Harry sweetheart, Freddie sure is my baby but you are as well. Okay?"_ This statement made me whine out loud at him not grasping what I was trying to say. He obviously liked someone who was not me, how come he didn't even know it himself. 

_"What are you talking about? Please tell me so I can help you."_ Louis pleaded and I stamped my feet like the stubborn baby I was being. "Li says it's someone named Jake and I've seen it my self, but you actually made me believe that we are together and I loved you for a long time you know and then you come and just go to other people after you received your first good blowjob and-" I stopped to take my breath, to continue my rant about all my feelings, nearly forgetting that I was even talking to the boy I liked. "You know Louis, I might've done something wrong that you are way too stubborn to tell me, but I love you and I'm not gonna apologise for that" Once I've finish it's all quiet on the other end.

"You win, this it I'm sorry, Il'l leave you alone now" I say and hang up the phone, drowning myself in what's left in my bottle.

-

There's a subtle knock on my door and my lazy arse stumbles of the couch to go and open to this uninvited guest. I certently did not expect to meet with the blue eyes that my soul drowned in each time I met them. This boy had me in a trance. The sea in his eyes was starting to overflow and soon tears ran down his cheeks, which made me embrace him as I closed the door behind us. I thought I was never going to forgive him for what he'd done to me, but meeting him again did something too me and I never wanted him to feel the slightest bit of pain. Ever. 

"I-I 'm soo-sorry." He sobbed loudly into my chest and I squeezed him harder while stroking his back. "'s okay, but can we talk about it. Even if it's hard," and he nodded in return, mumbeling out a "even if it's hard"  
  


We both went up to my bedroom to take a small nap. Yes, I am slightly angry with him still, but he was jetlagged and I had hardly slept for the pas days, so we both got rid of our trousers and I gave Louis one of my shirts to sleep in and then we curled up under the warm covers. We were lying face to face and I had the honor to just admire Louis. He fell asleep fast, hands clutching my shirt, but he was relaxed with his lips slightly parted. I missed their shape on mine. Before I knew it, my eyes were getting heavier and I felt asleep with my arm around this pretty boy.

Louis woke me up by stroking my cheek, the way he always does and that made me forget for a moment why I was mad at him. "Baby, you've been sleeping for two hours. If you ever had a thought of going to bed tonight, you need to wake up. Alright?" and with that, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and sat up to place my head on his shoulder. After a few moments of silence, he spoke up with a quiet voice. 

"You mentioned something about someone over the phone and I'm pretty sure you don't know the story behind this." He said and I nodded, looking up into his eyes as a way to tell him to continue. 

"I met this guy, Jake, but it's not as you think. He is friends with Eleanor and he was there when I explained the situation to her about us. He is a nice lad and we hung out together as friends and he is straight as a ruler. I would never do anything like that to you Harry" The way Louis was explaining made me feel calm, and I felt kind of mad at myself for not even calling to ask and just making up a nightmare in my head about what happened. 

"How come you never called me?" I asked with a small voice. "I always thought you was going to call, I thought I did something wrong when I left you back in London and that space was going to clear a potential fight, but I guess I was wrong." His statement made me sad and I couldn't help but climb over to straddle him in a non-sexual way, just to be as close to him as possible. 

"Next time something happen, can we please promise to talk to each other?" I pleaded as he returned my tight embrace. "I promise baby" 

-

"What was that song you wrote baby?" Louis askesked as the credits rolled down after one of many movie nights, him having my feet up in his lap, rubbing them slightly even though it was kind of tickelish it also made me feel safe. "Are you sure you want to hear it?" I asked as I tried to move my feet but he gripp just hardned around them. "Why wouldn't I?" He replied with another question and I reassure him that I was just going to grab my guitar, not disappear forever. 

"Okay so before we start, this is a song called 'Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart" and I wrote it when I was sad and jeleaus so please don't come at me, also I didn't completely finished it yet" and then he pinky promised on no judging and I started playing the chords.

_I don't ever ask you where you've been  
And I don't feel the need to  
Know who you're with  
I can't even think straight but I can tell  
You were just with him  
And I'll still be a fool, I'm a fool for you_

After the first verse I looked up at him and he looked at me with a loving expression and I continued singing.

_Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit of your heart is all I want  
Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit is all I'm asking for_

_I don't ever tell you how I really feel  
'Cause I can't find the words to say what I mean  
And nothing's ever easy  
That's what they say  
I know I'm not your only  
But I'll still be a fool  
'Cause I'm a fool for you_

_Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit of your heart is all I want  
Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit is all I'm asking for_

_I know I'm not, you're only_  
But at least I'm one  
I heard a little love is better than none

My voice was barley audible when I sang the last line, but tears streamed down both of our faces and I just embraced him. He mumbled something about him hating himself because of this, but we both reassured each other that this was now just a song with a story, that might going to see the daylight of others eyes. I sure loved this man with a passion.


	8. she

_"She lives in daydreams with me"_

It's been a few months since Louis returned from LA and life had started to going back to the usual. Work took up a big part of our life, but it felt fun again and most nights were spent under the sheets, constantly craving any type of physical contact with each other. 

One day I found myself online shopping and stumbled upon a beautiful dress and without thinking, I ordered it in my size. Ever since I was little, I've loved to dress up and trying on different stuff. When I was in the band, however, we all needed to seem 'straight' so tight skinny jeans and normal tees were what my closet consisted of at the time. I do remember very clearly how make-up was a really fun part of the day, especially when we had the time and our stylist decided that she wanted to try on a new eyeshadow on me, although it was washed off even timidity. Although I had to admit, it really made me feel pretty. 

I happened to order a lot more 'female' clothing and was so excited to get the package delivered, but I didn't touch the clothes until a few weeks after when Louis and I decided to go on a picnic out where god knows where. I've already started with trying out a few panties, but he never came to see me in them, and I wanted to go even further. I was going to wear a dress today. 

When the dress was on I took a look in the mirror and I felt so pretty. The light blue fabric against my tanned body, which is filled with dark tattoos. The birds right under my collarbones were visible and I smiled at the view of myself. My thought was interrupted by a light knock on my door and Louis was soon enough visible in my doorway. 

"Oh my love, you look beautiful," He said with a huge smile on his lips and was fast to embrace me. "You think?" I mumbled into his hair and he nodded and pressed him closer to me just to let go of me seconds later. I could feel him scanning my body with awe and my cheeks heated up at the realisation and knowledge that this boy would never hurt me because of a clothing choice, and my doubt made me embarrassed. "I love you, Harry, like love you" 

"I love you too, my Louis Tomlinson" 

\- 

It was a beautiful sight in front of us and Louis placed the basket down to help me spread the blanket on the green grass. The air was a bit chilly and I threw on a jacket over the pretty dress. Louis sat down and I decided to lay between his legs with my head resting on his chest. His embrace was truly everything I wanted and I wish everything could be like this. Louis fed me my sandwich as my hands were too occupied with hugging his left arm. The afternoon went like that, him being his cute self and laughing at all my bad jokes as I felt the need to tell more of them, just to hear that beautiful sound only he could make.

"Harry, could you maybe grab the guitar and play something for me?" the older boy asked me and I was quickly up on my feet and gave him a light peck on the lips as I went to grab the guitar from a few meters away. He had always loved to watch me play and sing, and I wish that I was better at it so that he would be proud of me and prove that I'm able to create something for myself. Every time I try to open up about how I feel, I usually get stuck in my head and it's rare for Louis to actually hear what I've written. 

Without any thought, I start playing a few chords and just playing with the sound. I embrace the feelings that oh so often occupy my mind and start humming out a few words once in a while, trying to come up with a lyric on the spot. If music was this easy every day though. Louis's hands massage my scalp gently and I feel so at home with him as my only audience. This is perfect.

-

The bed is still unmade from that night before and I'm so exhausted that I don't even have a single thought of complaining about how Louis should've known better and made the bed like the grown man he is, 'cause in all honesty, it is quite lovely to be able to go straight to bed at night without any fuss. 

Louis enters the room after another minute and chuckles at the sight of me lying half asleep on the huge bed with my dress floating around me. He even claimed I look like a princess. 

"Love, you look beautiful in that dress, but I don't think it's appropriate to sleep in it"

I just whine in response, feeling my eyelids become heavier each second. The older boy placed his surprising strong arms around my body to help me up into a sitting position. When I was finally sitting, I rested my head against his shoulder and his hands made their way back to unzip me from my dress and seconds later I could feel the soft material falling down and pooling at my lower tummy, making Louis chuckle at the sight of a extremely sleepy Hazza.

At that moment I couldn't even recall where I was, all I felt was the warm flow of emotion caused by the endless feeling of love and caring. 

When I was now left without my dress, only wearing the light pink panties, I could feel the blue eyed boy making his way over to cuddle up next to me. By the warmth beside me, I cuddled incredibly close to the man who was the reason I smiled. 

-

Waking up the next morning was horrifying and pleasing at the same time. The heavy even breaths on my chest made my mind fog up with admiration, but upon shifting my body I could recognise the feeling of panties against my lower half. Yes, I did in fact wear a dress yesterday, but I was somewhat scared that the older boy would tease me about my choices of clothing and disapprove to the whole 'girly' thing. 

As time when on and the peaceful boy getting more and more awake, I couldn't help but helping him drift to life. 

"Good morning love of mine," I said with a voice raspy by sleep, only receiving a small whine as he squeezed me tighter one last time before he let go of his hold on me. 

"I love you Haz," Louis whispers before he switch his position and we're now laying face to face and for the next couple of seconds, we do nothing else than stare into each others eyes and savouring the moment. 

"You know I love every single part of you?" Louis ask as if he could read my mind, only to continue talking, "Every single part of you is beautiful, I don't want you to hide yourself when you're with me. You are allowed to feel happy, whatever that is to you. And I certainly know that I am as happiest when I'm with you and you are happy"

"I love you Louis Tomlinson. Thank you for being here for me, I mean it." I say and quickly peck his lips.

"Always" He says and embraced every side of me. 


	9. sunflower vol. 6

_"I couldn't want you anymore"_

Louis eyes crinkled up as he smiles wide, and I return this expression with a dimpled smile. He quite literally is a ball of sunshine, even at this age, he's so full of energy and it's intoxicating to say the least. We didn't have that much plan for the day. Louis had a few interviews for a radio channel, but otherwise I just wished for us having one of those average night. The ones you longed for when they stop occurring.

We were sat on the couch, or more like I sat on the couch while Louis was straddled in my lap. Although he 'complained' about the position, claiming he was too old for being sat in someones lap, but when it all came down to it, he cuddled closer to me. I gently scratch his back and he cuddles his face close into my neck, the same way he does when we hug each other closely, and humming softly to the music playing in the background. 

"Do you have any dinner requests?" I asked as I continued scratching his back.

"You," he claimed jokingly and I smiled and ignore the urge to calmly lecture him about needing more nutrition than my body.

"Okay, maybe some chicken stuffed with mozzarella? honestly anything you feel like making would be amazing"

"With homemade mash" I stated and he chuckled before replying what I just said. 

He was now sitting up a bit and begun placing kisses along the side of my neck, only to connect them with mine. Lately, he'd start to grow a beard and I couldn't help but love the wonderful contrast of his soft lips and the harsh feeling of beard against my cheek. The older boy lightly started to suck on my lower lip, only to meet his tongue with mine and I cherished this feeling. He explored my mouth as I explored his and my hands had moved from his back to cup his face, while his tangled themselves in my hair. 

He tugged gently at the growing curled and I moaned deeply into his mouth, craving more of the feeling of closure. My other hand moved down again along the back side of his body to gently guide him impossibly closer to mine, having his semi pressed into my belly. Since my hands were already on his lower half, I tried to remove his shirt, only to be met by a warning slap on my hand. Though I still hugged him closer to me. 

Only breathing through your nose for a longer period of time makes you breathless, but I still moved my tongue against his in a affectionate way. I payed no attention to the horny sensation running through my body, thinking about how we were adults who still got hard after only a make-out session. When would that feeling ever pass? 

Minutes later Louis had to leave and I felt sad and horny, with one mission left before I could please Louis with other than my planed leave. 

-

Thankfully the grocery store was calm while I was rushing, trying to be done shopping in time for the radio interview started. I wasn't even ashamed of the neediness in using every opportunity that came in my way to listen to my sun's voice. I even spent a small amount of time just sitting in my driveway to finish listening to it. 

After the unpacking I placed the new bought sunflowers in a vase, not wanting to dry them out before he'd come home. I was often scared of not being as romantic as I wanted to and by buying flowers I hoped to gain a few plus point on that mattes, as well as I wanted to do everything to see that beautiful smile of his. 

With that thought in mind, I sat down with my guitar playing a few happy notes, trying to hum a melody and singing gibberish . Trying so hard to mesmerise his loving cheerful moments and everything we been through, admiring the sense of eternality he seemed to bring upon me. 

"Honey, I'm home!" Louis called out with a fake American English which made him earn a chuckle from me. "In here!" I said and he walked straight into our living room area and sat down on the floor next to me. 

"What are you writing?" he questioned as leaned in for a hello kiss and who was I to dismiss that opportunity. 

"Just a song," I stated, not wanting to give anything away before I even knew where I wanted to go with it. 

"I listened to the interview today," I stated to change the subject in a subtle way 

"Mhm, and what did you think about it?" 

"It was good, although I prefer to hear you voice live." I said and earned a kiss. 

"Maybe I can tell you all about my day when you make our dinner, yeah?" and I nodded my head fast, trying to get on my feet as fast as possible. This caused me to almost stumble into Louis and he embraced me tightly, and we made our way over to the kitchen. 

-

"You have your phone on you?" Louis questioned as I peeled the potatoes. "Yeah it's in my back pocket, just grab it and put on some music if you please," I said and he made his way over to me and reach out for said item. As he did so, he also made sure to give my arse a good squeeze. 

Minutes later our kitchen surrounding system filled with cheery music and Louis made sure to sing a long to the lyrics and putting on a show for himself behind my back. Soon enough the only thing left to do was waiting for our food to be ready and I was now faced with my boy dancing and singing like nobody was watching. 

I was fast to join his energy and we sort of made our own silly choreographs and laughing at each others goofiness. Louis almost slipped his his socks as he tried to make a turn of some kind and I made sure to catch him like the gentleman I am. His whole bodyweight was supported by my arms and we locked eyes. Blue meeting green as so many times before. Time finally stood still as I held onto my prince. 

"And you may kiss the bride" Louis whispers and I did as he said, attaching our lips as so many times before. The position wasn't the best for either of us so Louis raised to his feet, reaching up on his tippy toes to kiss me once more. 

He positioned himself in-between my legs as I gained support from the kitchen counter and Louis deepens the kiss the second my tongue brushes over his lower lip. He was as eager as I was this morning. And I just cherished the anticipation for the moment.

This time he was the one who wanted to see me shirtless, but I denied him and danced my way out of his grip. That caused him to let out a whine. "C'mon, this is our dance floor. If we did that while being out at a club or something, we would definitely be kicked out, ya know," I said and continued to dance around him, feeling immortal. 

"You should be happy that I love you," he said and I took his hands in mine and used them to make him dance with me again. 

\- 

Dinner went smoothly. It felt like a first date of some kind though. Louis and I played footsies under the table and blushed almost at anything the other person said and it made me feel content at some higher level. 

"Am I allowed my next meal?" he questioned innocently and I almost choked. "O-only if you want to," I managed to spit out and he squeezed my hand tight. 

"C'mon then, what are you waiting for? You're usually the horny one here" he chuckled and I followed his up to our bedroom. 

As we entered the bedroom Louis was fast to kneel next to my collection of vinyls, some vintage and some new ones, then he finally decided on a fairly new record; 'cigarettes after sex'. My record player sparked to life and I felt my cheeks heat up once again, and I felt important. The blue eyed boy found a match and lighted up some of the candles around my room, made sure to close the curtains and finally turned of the light. 

His hands found themselves on my hip as he sat himself next to me. The butterflies living inside my stomach fluttered to life with the featherlight kiss that was placed just under my jaw. I met his eyes and they met mine and we both smiled. I leaned in and he did the same, our lips didn't meet quite yet, but our noses did. His tip against mine. It was cold but filled with a lovely warmth and some overwhelming sensation took over my body and I closed my eyes, savouring his light and affectionate touch. 

His breath tickled on my face and I took the final step by angling my face slightly to the side to be met by the softest warmth and he wrapped his arms around me, embracing me to the fullest possible. We moved in sync and I couldn't help but smile through the kiss. My hand against his cheeks and his mouth on mine is everything I need and I couldn't help but think back to my 16-year-old self who daydreamed about moments like this. It felt unbelievable to be able to feel this sort of happiness with the person who really made me feel the happiest. It felt bad to admit it, but he truly was the person who could make me the happiest with only his present. 

The kiss stayed sweet, almost innocent. Our tongues licked over the other persons lips every once in awhile and when our mouth finally opened we did not fight for dominance, we rather explored the almost extremely familiar surface of the others mouth.

Our background music came to an end and I pulled away, placing our foreheads together and the both of us tried our best to catch our breaths. I slowly got up to turn the record around. As the music sparked to life once again I went over to Louis and asked for his hand. My lips met the smooth skin on its back, the movement so light I wondered if he'd even felt it, but the blush on his cheeks confirmed that his attention was all on me at this very moment. 

"Fancy going ballroom dancing?" I whispered and he nodded. I helped him up on his feet and our bodies was once again pressed close together. 

_Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms  
You've been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark_

The lyrics filled the room with the smooth notes. Louis had his forehead pressed into the crook of my neck and I hummed the melody quietly into his ear. We didn't move much, neither of us knew how to properly dance, but it was our kind of dance and it was beautiful. 

We didn't knew we were making memories, we just knew that we never wanted to leave this moment. 

-

Louis kissed me all the way from my lips down to the waistband of my pants. Our dancing had turned into another make-out session. Somehow the sweet, innocent kiss turned into something so full with passion and love that we needed more of the other, craving a impossible closeness. 

My erection sprung free, however he ignored it and kept pulling down the soft cotton material. A finger wet with lube circled my hole and I felt so relaxed, safe and loved. "kiss me," was all I could get out and Louis did what I asked. Then he didn't stop, the finger were soon knuckles deep and he kissed me through the slight sting of being stretched. 

He found my prostate with ease and I moaned into the kiss with every contact he made with that sensitive bundle of nerves deep inside of me. I suppose if any other person was here to see me they would insist I looked wrecked already, although Louis complimented me, telling me how beautiful I was and I felt so beautiful when his eyes roamed my body and his fingertips traced the lines of ink on my surface. 

After an hour we still laid in bed next to each other. Louis had made love to me. It was the first time someone had made love to me, and it was imaginable. We were still dirty, covered in each other, but neither of us wanted to leave the other persons side. Louis was almost asleep, head resting on my chest, claiming that my heartbeat was his sense of home. The music had died in the middle of our moment, but the silence was peaceful and made the whole experience more wholesome. 

"Louis, baby we have to clean you up, then you can sleep okay?" I whispered and he nodded slightly, still not making the slightest effort to get up. 

I came back moments later with a washcloth and forced his almost limp body to lay on his back. "I know it's might seem cold, but this'll warm you up," I explained and cleaned every inch of him before I did the same to me. 

I thought he was asleep when I came back. I crawled under our duvet and embraced his body, running my hands through his hair which I know he loves. "I love you my sun," I said, my words barley made a sound. "and I love you my sunflower," Louis responded and pressed my body incredibly close and i could feel his content smile as he had his face pressed into my naked chest. I pressed a kiss to his hair and we both started to drift of to the world of dreams.


	10. canyon moon

_"I'm going, oh, I'm going home"_

I don't think I've ever been this happy with someone as I am with Louis. We had both lived in my apartment in London, but it had been a shared thought that we both wanted something more consistent, we wanted to build a home together. We wanted to settle down together. In some way it felt as if we were high school sweethearts who found their way back together after the 10-year reunion. And maybe we was in some way, I barley finished school and Louis was there for me during all of those important years when I was young and needed someone to rely on. 

We had scheduled a holiday to Louis' house in LA, deciding that we would pack his most valuable items. Because of the jobs we pursued, we agreed that we might want to keep his place as a way to travel comfortably and not having the need to rely on hotels while working. Since we both had spent endless nights at hotel rooms, the thought of a home becomes even important.

Heathrow is always a busy place, even at 4 in the morning. People didn't knew about our appearance for once and it felt amazing. When we were all tucked into our plane seat I was so tired. We've been up all night trying to pack the last minutes thing and catching our plane in time. After all this time I honestly thought Louis would become more organised, but I guess some people can't change. And his messy side was quite adorable, but I would never admit that to his face.

Louis held my hand as the plane took of and I placed my head on his shoulder. "Do you remember when we were on our way to Castle Combe? It's been almost like 4 months since," I said and Louis nodded. "I was so shy back then, just wishing you would catch on my love and desperation," he says and rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. "You know I always had a sweet spot for you Hazza"

I guess I knew about the sweet spot, but never really thought much about it. We were attached by the hip during our younger teenage years, but it all felt so surreal and the thought of him ever liking me back was overwhelming for my younger self. Even till this day, the thought of someone, especially Louis liking me back was at times too much to take in.

"Yeah, but who thought that 'sweet spot' would grow to life after everything that happened?" I questioned and he squeezed my hand. "I hoped for it for a long long time, but you know things," his voice died down with every word. "yeah, I know things," I confirmed, gaining a tiny small.

"You were so nervous during the first days, constantly tip-toeing around me, its kinda hilarious how you even managed to sleep with me," I chuckled and receiving a playful hit, the older boy trying to showing his great strength he maintains at my present. "Yeah, but you were the one to engage it, you know?" I just nodded, wishing we were at a place more private, but still the moment felt precious. 

-

With our heavy suitcases rolling behind us, we took our first step out on the warm and sunny California street. The place which seemed too familiar for my liking, but I felt content with how my life was right now. 

The leather was warm and I felt exposed in the uber which was going to take us to Louis' now second home. It was a new day in Los Angeles and people were waking up the city once more. During all of these years I've only visited Louis once inside the place he called home, but I couldn't remember details of any sort more than Louis seemed happy with Eleanor.

Don't get me wrong, I love Eleanor. She is so pretty and she made him smile so bright and they were in love. Ever since I met Louis, I've always wanted him to be happy and for that period of time, she managed to make him happy in a way I probably wouldn't. Although I have to agree that it feels nice to be able to get out that smile and be able to receive that heart eyed stare that I've been giving out without second thought. 

The drive was rather short, but our journey had been long and we were exhausted from the lack of sleep. Once we were finally inside, the bed was our aim. Louis leading the way to a king sized bed with new bedding. Our clothes were shattered across the floor, ready for laundry time, and us ready for sleep. 

I lied down on his bare chest and felt how his hands found their place in my hair, tangling the already messy curls. "You know that you mean so much to me, it feels nice to have you in my arms Harry," Louis whispered in my ear right before my mind drifted of to another world.

-

"Soo, what should we start packing?" I questioned as I tried to fold one of those big cardboard boxes. Louis did the same, but with a lot more perfection than me. 

"Maybe we should start with the small stuff, then move on to the bigger things that might feel important," and with that order I started folding one of his many tracksuits. 

"Remember when we had to pack for our first ever trip together?" Louis smiled at me and I couldn't help but feel the blood rush up to my cheeks and gaining the crimson colour. 

"Yeah, it was strange," he continues "you managed to fold everything wrong and now you are the person folding my clothes for me." and it was true, he had to be the big brother that he is and fold my clothes into a suitcase before we were got situated on a tourbus. 

"But I've gained talent during these years, see!" I exclaimed while showing a pair of very neatly folded trousers. "It's beautiful, you should make a living out of it," and I felt some sort of proudness over his compliment. we'd come a long way since the beginning. 

"Be careful with those records, you know you can't just put them however you feel like," I could tell Louis was distracted and if he continued to treat music poorly than he might never be able to listen to the old records the way they were supposed to sound. "Just because you can fold clothes doesn't mean that you would be able to do my job properly" and I just hummed in disagreement. 

"I don't remember moving in together being this hard, you seemed to have grown stubbornness," I smiled and he moved his way closer to me. "Yeah, I was so excited like I couldn't even sleep the night before"

"S'that true?"

"Very, and it was still hard to sleep when we lived together"

"How come? I thought you wanted to live with me?"

"I did, it just felt like a long sleepover and I didn't want it to end" Louis was now next to me and we grinned like kids who finally got their ice cream after a long day of tantrums. 

"Neither did I"

And then the idea hit me, we needed to go back to the old days. "Can we please have a sleepover tonight?" this caused Louis to get a bad cause of the giggles. He pressed his nose into my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him, feeling him shake as he tried to settle down the endless giggles. 

"I would love a sleepover with you dork," he finally answered and exhaled a happy sigh. Louis was fast to build blanket fort, using whatever being left and not in one of the boxes. 

Later that night we fell asleep like children, being fed too much sweets and stomachs sore from too much pizza, but with smiles still wearing on our lips. This is how the rest of my days were going to be spent. 

\- 

The week went by quickly and we found ourselves back in my apartment, which seemed too small with all the cardboard boxes and my furniture. We had already found a house outside of London which seemed like home. 

It wasn't anything too special, but it was beautiful in its own way. Some things might need an renovation soon enough, but we had plenty of space and the fist investment would be a music studio in the rather large basement. The garden however was the part we both fell for. It was well hidden from the rest of the world, but it was filled flowers and the greenest of grass. It felt too early to admit it, but I could already picture kids playing around on the open landscape.

-

The keys rustled as we opened the door to our new home. The place was still empty and we were going to get the rest of our things tomorrow, but this was enough for now. 

"I feel like i'm in the notebook, just that this place feels already amazing the way it is," I stated as the place reminded me of one of my favourite movies. "Yeah, but you aren't breaking up with me, are you Styles?" Louis questioned as he wrapped his arms around me. 

"I would never break up with you, especially not after we just bought our first home together" 

"Neither could I, we're home now"

"We're home now," I repeated feeling another smile creep upon my lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much if you made your way through this!


End file.
